I was in the mountains outside of Ely on hitch last week and I went on a walk just before the sun set. I needed to get away from everyone and usually being alone in nature does the trick. But this time was different. The sun started to go down and suddenly I felt more eerily alone then I have ever felt in my entire life. There were probably very few people in that 50 mile radius that surrounded me. Instead of feeling amazed and bewildered, I just felt terrified. This isn't the type of woods you go on vacation in, and feel like you are secluded when really there is a house 30 feet away. This is the wild. You are on your own, not even cell phones can save you out here. At that moment I was completely alone in these mountains and in this world as far as I was concerned. I so desperately needed to go home and be comforted by my friends and family but alas, I had no home and I was trapped out in the mountains for 6 more days with 9 people who still felt like strangers. That's when I realized that I need people. I need civilization. I can't survive alone in the wilderness like I always hoped I could. And I no longer want to. I am okay with needing people, and a home, and maybe even a blender wouldn't be so bad.
So now I am completely lost about what I want out of life. I need to do it all. Travel the country, travel
the world, explore anything and everything. But I also want a home, a
place I can go back to at the end of a day or a trip. People that understand me to share these experiences with. Being homeless is lonely. I think it's less about that home and more about the people that make me feel at home. I only 2 months left here in
Nevada before I have to choose what's most important to me again.
Comfort or excitement. I am applying for peace corps, and have decided I am no longer going to let my morbid fear of everyone I love dying while I am gone hold me back from applying anymore. I love my job now, going out and seeing amazing places that I would otherwise never even know exist. But I'm having a hard time making it through the summer. The last month we have been driving around closing illegal roads, or 'maintaining wilderness boundaries'. It has it's reasons for needing to be done but it is hard to motivate my crew with this type of work when I barely believe in what we are doing. I need to do something that more directly helps people, and the environment in the long run. Something that I believe in fully. Not to say negative things about this job, because I believe in building trails all day every day. I am happy to have gained all the experience that I did from the last year, but even more excited to move on to a new place and new experience.
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| Old Rangers house we worked on |
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| Crazy shoe tree on the loneliest road in America |
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| Already got a flat... luckily I am now a pro at changing tires |
